“When you are here, you understand that you are known to your Creator. You feel His Presence.”
11/2/11
This tawaf was awesome. Very tough. I got so beat up & crushed, it completely wore me out, but it felt amazing. Tantamountly worth it. I made some meaningful du’as, I got to cling to the door frame (Al-Multazam) to the Ka’aba twice & make du’as I wasn’t sure I made there last time.
There are so many people trying to reach Al-Multazam that you literally have to cling to the wall to hold on and make your supplications. I wish I could have taken pictures, there’s calligraphy on the underside of the bronze door frame to the Ka’aba that you can only see when you stand at that spot and look up. I couldn’t make out what it said, but it’s very cool to be able to see. I made sure to pray for a qalb saleem (a sound heart) – in this world & when I leave this life. It’s said that only the sound heart will enter Paradise, so I’m trying to get that iA. I also made du’a to learn the Qur’an, Arabic, the Sunnah, and to embody the characteristics of the Prophet – to be guided, protected and elevated as a model for others. Apparently, every du’a made there is answered, I hope these receive the same end iA.
I also got to touch the walls a few times – that’s become so easy that it’s like not even a big deal anymore :P. I almost touched the Black Stone. I got to touch the silver frame it’s encased in…I think I touched the cement inside, but I’m not sure, I couldn’t see. I was stretching my arms out, reaching out over peoples’ heads, trying to touch what I could. I felt my fingertips brush across something, but I have no idea what it actually was. That was epic, though that’s were I got crushed & pushed the hardest. It’s literally the most intense space I’ve ever stood in, in my entire life, anywhere in the world. It’s probably the only physical spot in the world where there’s always people pushing and shoving non-stop, 24/7.
The funny thing is, I totally didn’t push and would literally just let myself be carried from one place to another. I’d only make minor steps here & there to get some better positioning. I would just express with my heart where I wanted to be and it would become easier, I just had to put in the umph-effort at the last instant, much like in real life I suppose;). I would actually end up getting caught in the Black Stone scuffle each time I went around, because of how close I was. Even when I didn’t want to get closer because I was exhausted, I would still get pushed deeper & further, towards the Ka’aba. Can you imagine being so tired and drained from getting crushed and crammed tightly for so long, and not even being able to walk away? SubhanAllah, it was still such a great experience. I completely miss it.
All that exhaustion & pushing made me think of how the Prophet was crushed by the Angel Gabriel & his heart received revelation. I prayed for my heart to also be filled by Allah, as I was also being physically crushed. I imagined my physical body being drained, my soul gaining strength and my heart finding itself. That was clarity. In such situations, you realize – we’re all just a jumbled, compressed mob of bodies – sweaty, musty, exhausted & drained. We become a blurred mass. Where is that which defines me? Where is my ‘I’? It is in the heart. When you’re body is trapped & crushed, your heart still breathes easily, it reaches out & kisses the breeze. The birds, circling above, sing songs just for the heart, and the heart sings back, with a fluttering of its own.
This is why I love Mecca. This place is indescribable in its total incomparability to any other space on this planet. It is a place, not from this Earth. It is from the Heavens themselves, placed on Earth by Allah’s Closest Friend to show our hearts that the Lord knows. When you are here, you understand that you are known to your Creator. You feel His Presence. It is such a fundamentally simple structure – just a cube, in the desert. From afar, there is no magic, it seems uninspiring. Once you stand before it, once you look upon its majesty with the naked eye, once your lips…ok, your fingertips, grace its humble walls – then you will understand. Then you will be convinced and you will know that the Lord knows.
Sai’y afterwards was kind of tough, but I took my time. I went nice & slow, not rushing one bit. I finished tawaf around 2:45pm & started Sai’y around 3. Stopped for ‘Asr & then finished at about 4:15 and met up with my parents. I dedicated the reward of this ‘Umrah to my father’s father, Nazir Alam. InshaAllah, he gets the reward of this as a completed ‘Umrah, having never been able to make the trip here himself. I pray I’m able to do more for my forefathers & that I’m blessed with an even more generous & rightly guided progeny
Journey to Hajj 