Category Archives: Mecca

December 29, 2011 · 10:51 pm

Day 18 – Thoughts Overnight

“Mina is like a refugee camp version of NYC.”

11/8/11 – Hajj, Day 5

SubhanAllah, I knocked out. There was so much I wanted to write, but I was so exhausted, I really couldn’t do it. Just woke up, it’s 1:25am, I prayed ‘Isha and brushed my teeth – I forgot this morning, so gross. Now, I’m laying back in bed. It’s been such a long day, but we’re still not totally clear, one more day, iA.

So, let me start from the beginning, iA. My parents and I went to the Haram this morning to complete our tawaf & sai’iy for Hajj. We had to walk from Mina, past the Jamarat, which is 2 miles away, to catch a bus to Mecca, which is another 5 miles. Alhamdulillah, I got to buy a new thobe off the street outside our camp. People line up for blocks along the roads to sell all sorts of goods to the pilgrims, no kiosks, they just lay everything out on blankets and sit on the ground. The thobe’s been really solid so far, Alhamdulillah! Still no tears, which is great, cuz I have nothing else to wear.

By the way, as I’m writing, or walking, or praying, or even drinking mango juice (exaggeration), I fall into these sporadic coughing fits. Isn’t there some movie where people are infected with something and it’s all epic, with them going through the streets all dramatic-like, and individuals would randomly keel over and cough their lungs out…then get up and keep going? Feels like I’ve seen that visual before, maybe with some techno blasting in the background – of the movie, not my life. Though, I have started messin with Tiësto & Deadmau5, it’s been somewhat transformative I must say. Anyways…that’s what it’s like for me. I’ll be doing something, cough for like 10 seconds straight, spit out the biggest phlegm wad ever, and keep going about my business, like nothing happened. It’s that Hajj cough.

Walking in the streets in these days, especially Mina, is horrendous. SO many people, so much garbage, pollution, street hustlers/vendors. Mina is like a refugee camp version of NYC – all the action, with none of the infrastructure. What makes NYC amazing is that it actually manages its own chaos very, very well. The Saudi’s should hire NYC government folk as consultants, no joke. Saudi’s have done nowhere near enough to prepare for the scale of this event. They should either make an effort to scale up infrastructure, or limit the number allowed in, to like 1-2 million.

I saw more dead bodies today. Like 4, lined up in the Masjid Al-Haram. I was walking through and they were laying there, in an area on the ground floor, roped off and guarded by police. Every prayer there has a janaza (funeral prayer) afterwards, so it was really interesting to actually see the bodies there. One of them had his face uncovered. He looked dead. It’s funny, now I think I know what a corpse should look like. I’ll be walking in the camp and see people laying on the street, completely motionless, look at them, and be like…nah, he’s not dead. I’m like, he would be more pale, or his feet would be like yellow, as if I’m a forensics expert now. Quick to give myself street cred, I’ll tell ya that. It’s a suburbia thing, you wouldn’t understand. Only real suburban hard knocks gon feel me on that one.

The camp has free water at least. Cold bottles of sealed Aquafina, as much as you want, until they run out and the Pathans come back to fill it up…then hang around to try to get tipped by everyone. “Bakhsheesh? Bakhsheesh?” I learned that means “tip” by the third time one of them lingered around, asking with upturned palms and head cocked to one side. Meals are pretty gross though. Haven’t had a decent one yet. Actually, since I’ve been in Saudi, I’ve only had one bomb meal, at that Pathan road stop, on the way to Medina. That place was a pure God send, mA.

They keep turning off the lights, so it’s getting darker and darker in my tent. Still keeping it goin though, iA, long as I can…

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December 14, 2011 · 7:56 am

Day 13 – Now or Later

“It’s an intriguing topic – to purify now, or later?”

11/3/11

It’s funny how stores here post pictures of things they don’t sell, especially restaurants. So many people go up to these food stands and be like, ooo this sandwich looks good, can I have one? Store owners be like, um…nah, we don’t sell that. That would never fly in America. These places got so long to go before they catch up, forreal.

I’m sitting on my bed, writing, & I can hear my dad & the other men in the group talking about me in the other room. Nothing bad, just about how old I am, how quiet I am – and how I’m always writing all the time. It’s starting to catch on as my “thing”. I pretty much am always writing around them, so it’s understandable. They all think I’m writing a book, that’s funny. I always just imagined this to be a notetaking expedition, But, we’ll see…

I mainly wanted to preserve the experience for myself, in my elder years perhaps, and to be able to share with others.

I’m the youngest of my group, not sure if I’ve mentioned that. Because I’m the youngest, and there’s such a significant gap, the men tend to assume I’m much younger than I actually am – also cuz I’m the son of their friend. They all sort of carry this sentiment that I’m going to be pure after this, and since I’m so young, I have to be even more careful the rest of my life, so as to not mess that up. If your Hajj is accepted, then all of your sins are forgiven, you would be as pure as a newborn baby. Do they feel like they are making the more strategic move in going for Hajj while they’re old? I’m not quite sure, but it’s an intriguing topic – to purify now, or later? Obviously, there’s the question of – well, will there even be a later? You could die long before you grow old. On the other hand, purify now – live a long life…what if you screw it up? As much as I would love to go off & sin for a few more decades & come back & seek purification, it just doesn’t seem right. I’ve already done things I regret, it’s never too early to seek forgiveness. Who knows? Maybe this experience will motivate me to live even better iA. It’s a blessing regardless, Alhamdulillah.

One of the uncles, last night, said something interesting to me. He said that I’m very lucky to be here, to have received this invitation from Allah to come to the Holy Lands, which I agree with. He then said that, “Most kids today are not good”, which I disagree with. It’s unfortunate, considering I learned that he has children whom he has trouble dealing with. Then again, from what I understood, he was trying to impose on his children to attend Islamic schools, to be more religious. I heard him talk about how they hated him for years, I’m assuming they would rebel and push back. It doesn’t mean they’re “not good”, just means you need to understand them better. Who would fight the opportunity to be closer to The One that created him? If you suck the love and joy out of the faith, you can’t expect anything short of rebellion against it. There is no Islam in that Islam.

Anyways, he said that Allah brings those here whom He loves and wishes to purify and benefit. That alone is an enormous blessing, distinction, honor, favor, and reward. I pray my friends, and more young people, would receive the same distinction. It can only benefit our ummah (community) at-large, iA. This is truly a blessed place, despite all of its shortcomings, and all would benefit from visiting it. Allah knows best when we would get the most from it in our lives.

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December 12, 2011 · 9:45 pm

Day 12 – Khamsein?

“Every day has been such an adventure here, subhanAllah“

11/2/11

Of course, getting back to our rooms was not easy, why would it be? :P Not only did the main group bounce without waiting for everyone, it took the rest of us forever to get a cab. Took at least an hour to find a taxi willing to go to Aziziah, then once we got one, it took the driver an hour to get us to our place. It’s only a 10 minute drive. He got completely lost and didn’t know how to get us there, even after asking everyone & their mom along the way. We actually took 2 cabs & split our group up. I was in the first cab with my mom and the other women from our group and my dad was in the second cab, with the uncles. It took my dad’s group another hour to get a cab after we had gotten ours, we basically back to the room at the exact same time.

The uncles negotiated with our driver and worked out that each passenger would pay 20 riyals, about $5. As soon as we got in the car and started driving, he turns to me, in the front seat, and says, “Khamsein?” I just stare at him, dumbly. He pulls out 50 riyals worth of bills and waves them in front of me, asking each person to pay that much. I’m like, “Nah bump that”, and reach for the door handle to get out while he’s driving. He quickly changes his mind back and is like “ok, ok! ‘Ashrein (20)?” Much better. Egyptian drivers have been such characters. He tried speaking to me in Arabic, and realized I didn’t understand. As he was driving around, lost, he’d turn to me in frustration and try asking me something in Arabic and I’d just shrug my shoulders. He’d give up and be like “Ahhh! No Arabic…!”

He really couldn’t find our spot though, and we hadn’t been there more than one night, so I really hadn’t gotten familiar enough with the area to help him either. So, we called my dad’s group to see if their driver could guide our driver. Their driver, mA, talked to our driver, found out exactly where he was, drove up to us, and had us follow him to our front door. May Allah bless that man, that’s such kindness & generosity. And competency. Our driver, after being guided to our destination, asked for more money. I might’ve actually given him something for his troubles, but then he had to go & ask for money, which ruined his chances with me. It’s like a knee-jerk reaction, I can’t help it. We were also already standing at the front door, no leverage homie. We got in at 12am.

We did get to eat at an Afghan restaurant before leaving, near the Ramada, by the Haram. It was decent food, just such a pain to get seats. You had to literally poach chairs by standing over people while they were eating. The second someone got up, you had to sit down, or someone else would get there before you. We spend 20 minutes trying to be civil and waiting for tables to clear out, and we found that everytime we’d go check, new people would be in the seats. You couldn’t even stand on the side of the room and jump in when someone got up, you had to physically stand over their shoulders and wait for them to finish eating. The hospitality industry here is majorly lacking. That’s just awkward.

The food was different than what you normally find in American Afghan places. It tasted less…sanitary. Like, way less sanitary. I actually thought I was gonna throw up after I had the kabobs, they really didn’t seem cooked. I have the sneaking suspicion that most places don’t use real meat in their food. Meat in general has been pretty hard to come by. I’m guessing they process in alot of…filler with the meat. Sounds gross, but that’s probably the reality. Most people in 3rd world countries really just can’t even afford to eat meat.

Honestly though, Food Corner would smash these Afghan joints. We have such amazing food in America, at least in Northern VA (wut, wut!), Alhamdulillah. I mean, I still enjoyed it, oddly enough. Pathan Urdu is definitely still the best. They have such a sweetness in their tongue when they speak, with their incorrect grammar. Makes the language suddenly more interesting & dynamic.

I think the plan is to stay in Aziziah and just chill tomorrow. That might be best after our fiasco with the taxis tonight. Going back and forth from here to the Haram is such a hassle. After tomorrow, we head to Mina and the real fun begins. We’re almost there.

Every day has been such an adventure here, subhanAllah. Hopefully, that’s been conveyed in these writings. I feel like it makes these pages out to be quite the interesting read…should I ever let anyone read them…j/k, I prolly will share them. At least, parts of them – some things have been too personal, but who knows, maybe? It’s definitely been a pleasure keeping this journal :)

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December 11, 2011 · 11:52 am

Day 12 – A Posthumous Visit

“When you are here, you understand that you are known to your Creator. You feel His Presence.”

11/2/11

This tawaf was awesome. Very tough. I got so beat up & crushed, it completely wore me out, but it felt amazing. Tantamountly worth it. I made some meaningful du’as, I got to cling to the door frame (Al-Multazam) to the Ka’aba twice & make du’as I wasn’t sure I made there last time.

There are so many people trying to reach Al-Multazam that you literally have to cling to the wall to hold on and make your supplications. I wish I could have taken pictures, there’s calligraphy on the underside of the bronze door frame to the Ka’aba that you can only see when you stand at that spot and look up. I couldn’t make out what it said, but it’s very cool to be able to see. I made sure to pray for a qalb saleem (a sound heart) – in this world & when I leave this life. It’s said that only the sound heart will enter Paradise, so I’m trying to get that iA. I also made du’a to learn the Qur’an, Arabic, the Sunnah, and to embody the characteristics of the Prophet – to be guided, protected and elevated as a model for others. Apparently, every du’a made there is answered, I hope these receive the same end iA. 

I also got to touch the walls a few times – that’s become so easy that it’s like not even a big deal anymore :P. I almost touched the Black Stone. I got to touch the silver frame it’s encased in…I think I touched the cement inside, but I’m not sure, I couldn’t see. I was stretching my arms out, reaching out over peoples’ heads, trying to touch what I could. I felt my fingertips brush across something, but I have no idea what it actually was. That was epic, though that’s were I got crushed & pushed the hardest. It’s literally the most intense space I’ve ever stood in, in my entire life, anywhere in the world. It’s probably the only physical spot in the world where there’s always people pushing and shoving non-stop, 24/7. 

The funny thing is, I totally didn’t push and would literally just let myself be carried from one place to another. I’d only make minor steps here & there to get some better positioning. I would just express with my heart where I wanted to be and it would become easier, I just had to put in the umph-effort at the last instant, much like in real life I suppose;). I would actually end up getting caught in the Black Stone scuffle each time I went around, because of how close I was. Even when I didn’t want to get closer because I was exhausted, I would still get pushed deeper & further, towards the Ka’aba. Can you imagine being so tired and drained from getting crushed and crammed tightly for so long, and not even being able to walk away? SubhanAllah, it was still such a great experience. I completely miss it.

All that exhaustion & pushing made me think of how the Prophet was crushed by the Angel Gabriel & his heart received revelation. I prayed for my heart to also be filled by Allah, as I was also being physically crushed. I imagined my physical body being drained, my soul gaining strength and my heart finding itself. That was clarity. In such situations, you realize – we’re all just a jumbled, compressed mob of bodies – sweaty, musty, exhausted & drained. We become a blurred mass. Where is that which defines me? Where is my ‘I’? It is in the heart. When you’re body is trapped & crushed, your heart still breathes easily, it reaches out & kisses the breeze. The birds, circling above, sing songs just for the heart, and the heart sings back, with a fluttering of its own.

This is why I love Mecca. This place is indescribable in its total incomparability to any other space on this planet. It is a place, not from this Earth. It is from the Heavens themselves, placed on Earth by Allah’s Closest Friend to show our hearts that the Lord knows. When you are here, you understand that you are known to your Creator. You feel His Presence. It is such a fundamentally simple structure – just a cube, in the desert. From afar, there is no magic, it seems uninspiring. Once you stand before it, once you look upon its majesty with the naked eye, once your lips…ok, your fingertips, grace its humble walls – then you will understand. Then you will be convinced and you will know that the Lord knows.

Sai’y afterwards was kind of tough, but I took my time. I went nice & slow, not rushing one bit. I finished tawaf around 2:45pm & started Sai’y around 3. Stopped for ‘Asr & then finished at about 4:15 and met up with my parents. I dedicated the reward of this ‘Umrah to my father’s father, Nazir Alam. InshaAllah, he gets the reward of this as a completed ‘Umrah, having never been able to make the trip here himself. I pray I’m able to do more for my forefathers & that I’m blessed with an even more generous & rightly guided progeny

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December 10, 2011 · 3:27 pm

Day 12 – Lost & Found

“We can never run out of reasons to be thankful.”

11/2/11

10am. Finally got some sleep. The room we’re in had the A/C blasting, with the knob broken off, and we had to sleep in our ihram, so it was chilly. We’re about to catch a cab to go to the Haram and do ‘Umrah iA.

—————-

SubhanAllah! The most amazing thing just happened. I went to the bathroom & was takin my time, you know. I took off my watch & left it on the ledge in the stall, while I was inside. I finish my business and get out, make wudu, stand in front of the fan for a while, dry off, hit the water fountain – just takin my sweet time, chillin, freshening up before I go to make ‘Umrah. This was in the bathroom of the Masjid Al-Haram by the way, which isn’t actually in the masjid, but in an underground area outside the masjid, beyond the courtyard (feels like a Subway station).

When I showed up to use the bathroom, there was basically no one around, just 2-3 other people waiting to use the stalls. There are just hallways, lined with dozens of stalls. The stall I used had a bag of clothes hanging on the wall, left there by someone who used it before. I moved it when I got inside, to hang my bag. Before leaving, I made sure to return the bag to the same place I had moved it from. When I left the stall, there was suddenly like 100 people waiting. There must have been 2 or 3 people waiting in front of each stall. I was like dang, ok. So, I go about my business, and get all ready to go. Then, as I’m about to climb the stairs to get back out, I go to check the time and realize…I left my watch in the bathroom! I was like, “Astaghhhfirullaahhhhh!” and I darted back to the stalls. While I was headed back, I was like subhanAllah, here’s another test – Allah finds ways to test each part of us, in ways we wouldn’t even imagine. I was also like, ok, let’s see how well Muslims revere the Haram – you’re not supposed to take anyyything you find here – you either leave it or you’re responsible for publicly announcing what you’ve picked up, to return it, before you can take anything.

I get back to the stalls, and there’s even more people than before, it’s packed tight in the hallway. Each stall was numbered, but I didn’t remember to look at which number I was in. I didn’t remember exactly which stall I used, but I had a general idea. So, I camped in front of like 7 stalls where I knew it’d be. Each time someone came out & the door opened, I hustled over and poked my head in to see if it was the right stall. I was thinking, man, what if it takes a while, is it worth it? I’ll be telling everyone how I lost my new watch in the masjid bathroom, is this really how it ends? And I was like, no! I need to try. Within a few minutes, the stalls I was watching were all opening up. One particular stall had a bag of clothes hanging on the wall!! I immediately went forward and saw my watch still sitting on the ledge!!! I excused myself past the man that was going in & grabbed it, and bounced out – a huge grin on my face. Allahu Akbar :) Alhamdulillah wa shukr.

This place has credibility mA. That was a huge relief & a great blessing. I’m so thankful to be able to keep this gift. May Allah shower abundantly with His Bounties & Blessings the one that gave it, the one that wears it, the one that looks upon it, and all those that benefit from that which it measures. Ameen :)

It’s funny, isn’t it? We think the possessions we have belong to us, but Allah can easily separate us from them. Even being able to keep what’s come to us is an immense blessing. We can never run out of reasons to be thankful.

Time for ‘Umrah ;) 1:20pm

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That.Was.Intense. I’m exhausted just from the tawaf. It was so hot & crowded, under the afternoon sun. I still managed to maneuver around, by letting myself go, not fighting the crowd. Going with the flow got me to my destination.

——————-

Finally got some food & a little time to recharge after that grueling ‘Umrah. My parents & I met up around 4:30pm, after I finished. We had lunch at this pretty good Turkish “kebap” joint, just up the street from Marwa. Alhamdulillah, we showed up beat, tired and just outta shape. We found a table and just collapsed down, exhausted. There was another man next to us who was joined by his friend, who came holding three large trays, full of meals. He had brought at least 10 meals, which he and his friend were going to go to town on apparently. We looked at the two of them like…dang, they gon eat all that…? SubhanAllah, without hesitation, the man picked up 3 of the meals – plates of freshly grilled kebabs – and placed them in front of us, telling us to help ourselves & eat. What great hospitality, it was such a generous & pleasant gesture. May Allah show them even more hospitality on the Day where we will be at His total Whim, ameen.

The food was pretty good. I still went up and ordered some chicken for my mom, who typically won’t touch red meat. I also got a rack of cold drinks. We shared sodas with the men at our table and all enjoyed our meals together. Such a huge blessing Alhamdulillah. Another ease to accompany the hardship…starting to see a pattern, aren’t we?

Afterwards, my dad cut/sawed off some of the curls from the back of my head. Ihram complete :) I love being in ihram, but fulfilling the rites & being done with it is such a great feeling too, Alhamdulillah.

My mom & I grabbed some ice cream too – we were serious about recharging :). The ice cream, or “scream” as the store owners called it, was really good. It was just a bunch of different flavors in one cup, all soft-serve. Even the chocolate wasn’t bad, and I hate chocolate ice cream usually. This wasn’t bitter at all. We went on to pray Maghrib & now we’re sitting inside the mosque, waiting for ‘Isha.

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December 8, 2011 · 10:32 pm

Day 11 – Familiar Faces

“The worst thing about the trip was the frustration of being trapped, not being able to go anywhere, do anything…These are events which try your patience.”

11/1/11

The desert calm that clings to the soul. Forcefully grabs hold and enshrouds the heart. There can be no escape, only surrender. It is to this tranquility we retreat. There is no salvation from it, until the desert is left behind – mountains at your back, city streets under your feet. Only then, may you find peace from the Peace. A peace, by which, there is no solace, only yearning – for the perfectly blended skies and warm radiant rays of the brother you left behind.

——————-

2 things: SubhanAllah, nothing compares to the beauty of a desert sunset. I was in total awe, I could have stared forever.

Second, 6:30pm, SubhanAllah, we stopped at a random rest stop on the way to Mecca to pray Maghrib & I saw Ali Hanif! SubhanAllah, that was incredible. Hanif is a good friend of mine from college, I met him and his wife, Nasrin & took pictures together. Allah is the Best of Planners. We may not get to meet again, but I’m grateful to have found a familiar face & extend a warm embrace with my beloved brother. He’s staying at the Al-Massa hotel, I remember seeing the sign, it’s somewhere around the city center. I’ll try to run into him again iA. I made du’a a few days ago to run into people I know, because I was ready to share these moments with my friends & I was finally granted the chance, Alhamdulillah. I was in the prayer area and I saw him standing there. I just rushed up to him and gave him a big, crushing bear hug :) Squeeze first, ask questions later.

I saw Mona Haydar yesterday. Though we don’t talk, I knew she was coming to Hajj from her CNN video, so it was cool to see her. She was in Medina, in the courtyard outside of the masjid, carrying a bunch of shopping bags :) May Allah accept all of our efforts & make our Hajj Mabrur iA.

——————–

That was the perfect ease to accompany this hardship, my heart feels at complete peace. That was, until the slow-boy crew grabbed the mic and started the dyslexic talbiyah, short bus status. The speaker system in the bus needs to get regulated by someone with some courtesy. Can we not have the mic circulate between 4 people with equally horrendous voices that sound like their throats are closing up from peanut allergies? Seriously, man? That’s too much self-confidence, put the mic down, walk away. Take some Benadryl.

Cool thing about the drive from Mecca to Medina is that there are signs posted with different adhkar (reminders of God), periodically along the sides of the road. Reminders to remember The Most Near, Allahu Akbar!

7:20pm, dark, on the bus, not enough light…

——————–
8pm, about an hour left iA. I’m remembering our drive to Medina & how awesome it was. Our driver was something special, subhanAllah, what a character :). That Pathan restaurant was so amazing!! My dad said it was the best food he’d had in years. Not to be taken lightly. I want to remember that whole adventure well iA.
——————-

We got to Mecca at 11pm. It was 11:30 by the time we got out of the Pilgrims Processing Center. The bus ride got much worse before it got better. We hit insane traffic & were stuck for 3 hours. I was also getting talbiyah brainwashed, with it blaring repeatedly, directly over my fatigued head. At least I got to get out at the Pilgrims Center and use the bathroom and blow out some face phlegm (gross, I know – wait till you get here :P). I’m feeling a bit more refreshed, Alhamdulillah. That’s the awesome thing about this journey, I suppose – you get hit with stuff tailored to make you go insane..and want to punch old Persian men in the face…and other group members…sometimes even complete strangers…But, you learn your limitations, your weaknesses and your actual capabilities. Don’t worry, no one got punched. Not by me, at least.

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Allahu Akbar. We finally got to our rooms in Aziziah, just northwest of Mecca. It’s 3am. Our trip from Medina to Mecca really did just take 12 hours. That’s as long as my flight from DC to Jeddah. Normally, it’s only a 4 hour drive between Mecca & Medina. I’m so tired and hungry, but so relieved. The worst thing about the trip was the frustration of being trapped, not being able to go anywhere, do anything. We were caged in on the bus and had to just wait for things to take their course, on their own sweet schedule. These are events which try your patience. The drive to Mecca has been difficult both times now, while the trip to Medina was actually alot of fun & was really memorable. It was so dysfunctional and ridiculous that you couldn’t help but laugh. There was nothing amusing about the hardship this time.

I think things are getting more and more difficult as the time for Hajj nears. I wonder if it’ll be easier once we’re done? I’m *hoping* things will ease up once we’ve completed our Hajj. We’ll see iA.

Things take so long for no reason other than to test your patience.

My dad went down the street and picked up some pizza. It’s actually really legit, I’m totally killing this at 4am. No hesitation. So good…

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Thus far, I’ve seen two things which are amongst the most beautiful I’ve ever seen in my life – the Ka’aba & the desert sunset.

The Ka’aba is a masterpiece. It carries such magnitude & grace that it’s just awe-inspiring. It is significant for so many reasons – it stands as a historical landmark, a spiritual symbol, and a social phenomena, amongst other things. It is the anchor for so many worlds. Gazing upon it will make the heart swell & put one into a trance-like state. The hypnotizing, ceaseless circumambulation of pilgrims penetrates the soul with its beauty. Everyone orbits the Ka’aba in fluid motion, while that structure stands as an absolute pillar, from which we all draw stability. Not only whilst making tawaf, in the Haram, but all around the globe, it is our direction of prayer. It is a metaphor for our Universe in so many ways. We orbit, as celestial bodies in space do, mimicking them in movement & in appearance – joining ourselves to the order of the galaxies. It is also reminiscent of the nature of our very own existence. We derive stability from the only Absolute in the Universe, while fluidly in motion, according to His Whim. This is the epitome of “going with the flow”. Being a part of that phenomena, participating in this analogy, is what makes this place even more fantastic. If only we could carry the lessons with us, throughout the other aspects of our lives.

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December 7, 2011 · 10:01 pm

Day 11 – Rollercoaster to Mecca

“I’m in ihram and trying, trying, TRYING not to flip out on this bus and start getting reckless. “

Book 2

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

11/1/11

This is awesome, I filled up the whole first book & we haven’t even started the actual Hajj rituals yet. There’s still 3 or 4 more days to go before it really starts.

—————–

There was a big throwdown at breakfast between our group leaders & all the uncles. They’ve been complaining for days behind his back, but to his face they would barely speak a word. Whatever the case, I would highly recommend going along with a group, where you buy the full package & everything is pre-arranged and planned out in advance at each step. Apparently, there are groups some of the guys learned about where people have full packages, where they get everything, and at good quality, for $3,800. Much better than us, who paid around the same amount & did stuff individually & have so much entropy to deal with. We essentially bought our own ticket and latched onto a smaller group for our housing and transportation arrangements. There’s some guy they found here from Abu Dhabi who paid $10,000 for his package & got put in the same hotel as us. What a screw. He didn’t complain though, not as far as I could tell – just got used as fuel for our group members’ complaints about how messed up the system is. May Allah accept his Hajj, ours too.

Bus is here, 11:40am, heading back to Mecca, iA.

———————

It’s past 1pm, still in Medina, waiting to load the whole group in & head out soon iA.

So, I’m not sure exactly, but I think gas is stupid cheap here. Like, the bus driver we had that took us to Medina, filled up his bus with diesel fuel for 10 riyals. That’s like $3-4. Maybe he just didn’t fill up? Either way, it’s retardedly cheap. It’s no wonder they love these big, gas-guzzling American SUV’s here. There’s so many Saudi’s pushing Toyota 2400 pickup trucks like they’re Civics & Corollas in America. Suburbans, Yukons, Land Rovers, all that.

Problem we’re having now is that we are jam-packed in this bus. We actually have so much luggage that the cargo compartments are all full, so the whole back row of seats has excess luggage on it. That leaves 4 ladies with no seats. Our group arranged for a 52-seat bus for 54 people, then 4 seats have suitcases stacked to the ceiling. Dang. We’ll see how this works out.

——————–

2pm, we finally started to leave Medina. We’re headed to the Meeqat (entry way to Mecca) to put on our ihram, so we can perform ‘Umrah upon entering the city of Mecca. I’m thinking of doing it for someone else – maybe my brother if I can do it for someone living. Otherwise, my grandmother maybe, on my mom’s side. I never really knew her while she was alive, but she seemed like such a sweet woman. I am at a loss for not having the opportunity to have known her better & think I would like to do this for her.

Before we left, there was a little scuffle. Someone shoved our group leader, one of the Hajj officials I think, to keep him off the bus. This fired up alot of the men on the bus, who immediately shot up out of their seats and almost bolted out of the door. Our group leader tried to stop the bus from leaving too, which went on without him & the 4 women he tried to get on. They were refused by the official because apparently they weren’t on the final list he had. Our group leader said he paid extra to have them added later. No dice. All this messy stuffs, I’m just chillin though, dikrin’ it up iA.

We just got to the Meeqat Dhul Hulaifah. It’s a nice masjid. It’s about 2:20pm. Will return in ihram, iA.

Meeqat Dhul Hulaifah

———————

We’re on the bus, driving for the past hour. I’m in ihram and trying, trying, TRYING not to flip out on this bus and start getting reckless. The old Persian man next to me, for SOME reason, chooses to hold all of his ginormous shopping bags in his lap. I asked him if he was planning on setting the bags down in the aisle. “Yes, soon.” Continues cradling his bags. I’m all crammed in the corner here, against the window, with no space. On top of that, the driver’s been blasting this all-Arabic, angry-man khutbah over the speaker system for God knows how long. I woke up and the speaker, directly above my head, was blaring & I got so pissed. Alhamdulillah, other people said something & he turned it down. Soon as I started writing, we randomly started hitting bumpy patches of road. NO, it’s ok, I’m gonna stay cool, no worries iA. Let’s see what else gets thrown at me.

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November 27, 2011 · 7:30 am

Day 6 – Ordinary People

“You hope everyone would be enlightened or somehow, mystically, unexplainably, different. But, we’re all as we’ve been created. We share our humanity so much more than we give each other credit for.”

10/27/11

Two things about Mecca are astounding: the Ka’aba & the people. I’ve talked about the Ka’aba, it’s the people here that are just as interesting. This is the people-watching capitol of the world. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for over an hour, on a street leading away from the Haram. It’s almost 7am, I’ve been here since after Fajr. I swear, hundreds of thousands of people have walked past me. All kinds of folk. I’m sitting near some that are seemingly poor & it’s comforting to be in their company. Their way is simple & they’re kind. I want to give to them in sadaqah (charity), but I don’t want it to be insulting. While I’ve been sitting here, people have already stopped, while walking past, and given them money. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me earlier to give sadaqah, but now I’m excited at the opportunities. I think I’ve seen people that could truly use it – not just professional beggars and panhandlers, which are also out here in an abundance. I want to take advantage of the opportunities to help those in real need iA.

There’s a West African man that’s been sitting in the street for the past 45 mins, on two scraps of cardboard, just making dhikr (remembrance of Allah). People came and dropped money in his lap & I swear it didn’t phase him one bit. He continued to sit & look around as if nothing happened. The bills fell to his side and he didn’t even reach out to grab them. That image just sticks with me, it’s like there was just no desire for anything worldly, subhanAllah. If he’s still around later, I’d like to get him a rug to sit on, to maybe bring him some comfort at least.

People also gave money to the workers picking up trash. They humbly accepted & I was surprised I didn’t think of that either. The workers here are, generally, in need. It makes so much sense to help them out, considering they’ve probably come so far to find work, leaving behind their families.

Maybe my heart was being prepared in these last few days? At first, my focus was only the Haram, the building, the Ka’aba, the place. Slowly, I’m seeing & realizing the even greater significance of the ummah (nation). This is more likely the real reason behind the significance of this journey. We’re meant to connect with our fellow man – with those in need & those different from us. To feel compassion for them & recognize them as humans like ourselves. Glaringly so.

I’m utterly surprised at how entirely unspurprising people have been, on an individual level. Everyone is the same everywhere. It’s beautiful & comforting – though also somewhat of a letdown, sure. You hope everyone would be enlightened or somehow, mystically, unexplainably, different. But, we’re all as we’ve been created. We share our humanity so much more than we give each other credit for.

It’s especially inspiring when I imagine that, if everyone in the world is essentially the same, than this is the essence of humanity. People of old were just the same as us. Such is our nature, any other way would be unnatural. So, the Prophet knew his people, by proxy he knew us, we are all the same. What this message has done for them is what it can do for us. Sincerity and dedication in the hearts of those who understand is how we will prevail.

This place is beautiful because we are beautiful and this place brings us all together. I pray that I may take with me these lessons & benefit from them, finding ways to implement them. It’s been hugely influential to grasp that we have a common point of reference. Often, almost as a norm, I assume things don’t apply/refer to me. I assume that even those applicable are foreign to my understanding. This experience proves otherwise. I am as human & as common as everyone else here. I am, rightfully so, another face in the crowd. It is not an insult, but rather my God-given right & privilege to share the beauty of humanity with you all.

This place helps me to grasp that we are in fact brothers & sisters. Not in Islam, not because Adam was our shared father, not even because we’ve said it enough times that we don’t even question it anymore. We are brothers & sisters because WE.ARE.THE.SAME. Then, why do we divide ourselves? Why keep each other apart? This places such divisions in our hearts – something I feel leads to doubt & discontent. Doubt in Allah’s all-encompassing, ever generous Mercy, and discontent with our state – being lonely & disconnected.

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There is a love that emerges in the hearts when company is shared, incomparable to a love for anything else. Our hearts purify one another when we open them to our brethren. We are the cures for our own diseases. We may all carry common coughs & runny noses, but while we are together & sincere – we  will never share greed, malice, envy, deceit, or ill will. Maybe it is the magic of this place that keeps us especially kind. But, I believe we all carry that kindness & goodness, readily, from birth. May we all be restored to our fitra (natural state) and experience the swelling of the heart upon sharing it with one another.

While I was sitting there, writing, a man came and sat beside me. I could tell he was trying to see what I was doing while puffing on his cigarette. After about 15 minutes, he finally says to me, “Arapi?”. I realize he’s Turkish. I shake my head, “Pakistan.” He nods, places his hand on his chest, “Turkiye”. I smile and nod, and continue writing. After a few minutes, he pulls out his cell phone, an old flip phone. He tinkers with it for a few seconds and then some music comes on. He holds it in his hand while he looks out into the street, continuing to smoke. I’m thinking, that’s…cute. He must really love his music.

I recognize the song, it’s a Sami Yusuf track. The one off of his last album where he sings in Arabic, Turkish and Urdu. I didn’t say anything and continued writing. After the song ended, he lingered a few minutes longer, than got up and walked away. I thought, hmm, that was…odd. I realized after he left that he was trying to use music to connect. He had played a song that both of us could understand, there were lyrics in Turkish and in Urdu. SubhanAllah, what an awesome effort. I missed the opportunity though. I was so wrapped up in analyzing my environment that I took myself out of continuing to experience it. I cut myself off from the blessings. Just one of the things I regret.

———————–

My heart goes out to the Bengali people. Their eyes carry such a softness & innocence that touches the heart. Perhaps, if they live in poverty, it has made them content. May we all be so blessed.

———————-

I just ate a liver & french fry pita sandwich, thinking I had ordered a shawarma. I need to learn some basic Arabic conversation. It wasn’t bad at all though. Go figure.

If we are the same, my advice to you is, write. Write everything. It clears the mind & helps it to grow. Thoughts built up are preserved, leaving you comfortable to welcome new thoughts into the brain.

I would also say, be with people. Be with people, those you know & more whom you do not know. Be with them, watch them, empathize & understand them. Listen to them, and when appropriate, talk to them. Listen not just to their conversation, but to their silence. Be especially mindful to listen to what they don’t say & how they don’t say it. There are volumes in the unspoken. Be one who watches, listens & understands. Your heart will grow & you will experience a love like no other.

———————

I wanna learn Bangla, Arabic, Farsi, Turkish, and Dari. K bye.

———————

I’ve primarily been exploring the Southern side of the city. I finally got acquainted with the “heritage souq”, the real marketplaces. It was glorious :). It was awesome to see everyone hustling their wares & people making their purchases left & right. Today is the last day we’re in Mecca. We’re heading to Medina for the next few days. When we head back, it’ll be for Hajj, iA. Looking forward to visiting the Prophet’s city, though I’m sad to leave the place of his birth. Hopefully, I’ll be able to rest on the trip & catch up on my writing.

———————

I’ve been cut off from my phone for about 4 days & it feels so liberating. No worries about being called & interrupted – things can naturally develop & be organically experienced in their entirety. There’s far less distractions now. The only time I’m not “present” is when I write, and in those moments, I am completely present within myself, which is not a distraction in the least. I’m hoping to be able to engage in further bouts of technology vaccum-living, at least somewhat periodically. I’m discovering myself anew and it’s so relieving & calming. I miss days when I was more in touch with myself, before cell phones really took over my life. I’d say freshman year of college was the last time I felt this deeply contemplative. 8 years of shallow thought, show yourself out.

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November 26, 2011 · 7:00 am

Day 5 – Contemplating Context

“There’s so much that can be gained just from standing in a landscape that is unchanged, to get an idea of the context for past generations.”

10/26/11

I have time, I’m in my hotel room, calling it early tonight, it’s about 10:30pm. I’m gonna try to start from the first day & fill in everything I’ve left out so far, iA.

So, when I got into Mecca, I performed ‘Umrah. I talked about the tawaf & events there already. After the tawaf, I drank some ZamZam, which tasted amazing. Something about it here, at the source, is so much better than how I’ve always had it. When people would bring it back with them, I never really liked drinking it all that much. This was legit though, Alhamdulillah.

It’s really such a blessing to have this well here, in the middle of this desert, right with the Haram, to sustain its people. Its interesting to imagine all the factors that come together to make this place so special, just geographically even. Sure, there’s massive appeal because of the Ka’aba, but even historically, it was a major city before Islam. I think ZamZam was a major cause. It’s this never-ending supply of clean, delicious water in the middle of the desert. It gave people a reason to settle here. Perhaps this place became sacred to preserve the well & access to it – in addition to the spiritual motivators. It’s also situated in between a series of mountains, giving it a natural defense. Tragically, it seems like the Saudi’s have blasted away much of the original mountains around the Haram, to build hotels & shopping malls. There’s so much that can be gained just from standing in a landscape that is unchanged, to get an idea of the context for past generations.

I’m going to try looking at pictures of the landscape historically. I think it’d be really interesting to see everything in its original form. That’s my only major beef with the Saudi’s so far. They’ve taken liberties with the landscape, altering it dramatically, leaving behind very little of what was originally there. That seems to be the central theme here, in the developed areas of Mecca at least: strip everything of its originality & replace it with a flashy, lifeless, contrived placeholder. The alternatives are unnatural, unsustainable. It’s so clearly evident. Take food for example. I’ve been here almost 3 days, and have yet to find a healthy meal. You have either grocery stores, full of pre-packaged & processed foods, or you have street restaurants with fried food or fast food. I know people don’t actually live eating this way. It’s horrible for you. Especially when you’re in a place so holy, trying to eat foods that will support spiritual enhancement. I’ve basically been living off ZamZam, with an actual solid meal maybe once a day. Even then, I end up regretting eating at all afterwards.

I imagine the original landscape being so heavily dominated by the mountains – especially Safa & Marwa. When you step out from the masjid at Safa, you’re faced with an enormous mountain. Isn’t that probably the original mountain? [No] Next to the Marwa side, to the East, is another large mountain, which I imagine was an early Marwa [Wrong]. Unless, of course, they’re both just very small hills & the entire Haram is just surrounded by that many mountains [Bingo!].

So, I completed my Sa’iy. That’s been the toughest part of the rituals so far. Having to walk that much, barefoot, on solid marble floors really takes a toll. You’re feet end up aching so bad. Nevertheless, I got through it, Alhamdulillah. It wasn’t as exciting as tawaf, but I still got my du’as in, so it’s all good :). After Sai’y, I went to find a barber. I wandered around what I learned to be the Northern side of the city, outside of Marwa, & found a barber area, got my haircut for 15 SR [$4].

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November 24, 2011 · 8:38 am

Day 5 – Blame It On Al-Baik

“Paranoia lingers and brings such unrest to the heart.”

10/26/11

It’s 7:50 am, I just made it back inside my room. That’s right, I’ve been out since 2:30 pm the day before, with only a 45 min power nap in the Haram. I feel fine though – apart from my feet, which currently need amputation. I just had *quite* an adventure. Some excitement, some exploration, some rude awakenings, some failures, & some successes. Yes, all that since I last wrote in the journal. So much to tell, I hope I can get all of it down…

As soon as I walk in to the room, my dad’s like, “Are you ok?? Everything alright? You should have told us you were going for so long…we have a tour in an hour, go take a shower.”

Uh…ok…

More adventures I suppose. That’s fine, pack it all in. Before I forget, the search for Al-Baik is the reason I did all this in the first place. I’ll have to start from when I left the room yesterday to really paint the whole picture of my recent adventures.

——————

Ok, managed to shower and freshen up, sitting on the bus now, waiting for this tour to start. Not really looking forward to it – apart from potentially seeing historically significant sites. This group is the only thing I don’t like about this trip – I can’t stand some of these people. Loud, self-righteous Punjabis just get under my skin like no one else can.

So, about yesterday, I left the room at 2:30 pm, went to the Haram & prayed ‘Asr on the roof. After ‘Asr, I went down & sat near Mount Safa to write in my journal & wrote until Maghrib. I ended up moving around until I was on Mount Safa during Maghrib. The imam, I think Shuraim, recited a verse about Safa too. Then, I headed out to get something to eat, but by the time I made it through the crowd and got outside, it was ‘Isha time. So, I prayed ‘Isha in the courtyard outside of the masjid, in front of the ‘Abd Al-’Aziz gate. I went after ‘Isha to Burger King, had a double whopper, ate with some Algerians and felt disgusting afterwards. I went around to find some water, or a big bottle to fill with Zam Zam. I went to this Super Food Mart & got all kinds of drinks (juice, water, soda). Took it back to the hotel & found everyone but my dad in the room, so I didn’t want to stay. I bounced after a few mins & headed back towards the Haram. Picked up a bottle of water on the way to try & clean out my system, I felt so gross.

I went to the roof and chilled for a while. I eventually left & started to head to the hotel, but got curious about this restaurant I kept hearing about, Al-Baik. Everyone said I HAD to go there, so I wanted to find it. I also wanted to see the other gates to the masjid, so I started walking its perimeter. I discovered the other gates…and went all the way around, to the outskirts in the North, still couldn’t find Al-Baik.

I continued walking around, when I was approached by a random man, just outside Marwa. He looked like any other devoted follower – big beard, head covered with the red-checkered garment, loose robe, warm smile. He came up to me and gave me salaams, with a big smile on his face. He grabbed my hand, gripped it with two hands & started asking me questions. I thought nothing of it & started to answer as best I could. He spoke only in Arabic though, didn’t understand my attempts to get through to him in English or Urdu, my usual backups when my sparse Arabic runs out. I understood enough to get that he asked my name, whether I was here for Hajj and where I was from. Then he asked, “kam auwlad?”, right after I had told him I was from America. I know “auwlad” is baby/child, I didn’t know what “kam” meant. I thought he wanted to know how old I was when I went to America, or how long I had been there. I didn’t know enough Arabic to tell him I was born there…and felt apprehensive about even giving him that information.

He started to insist. While holding my hand, he repeated the same question at least 30 times, very seriously. Why I stood there that long is beyond me. I didn’t want to be rude and pull my hand away and bounce, which is what I should have done. Instead, I tried to be respectful and answer him. To try to help me understand, he would mimic cradling a baby in his arms, and even “wah-wah’ed” like a child to show that he wanted to know how many kids I have. I started to get it…but…why do you care so much about how many kids I have? I started to get creeped out. Then he asks, “wife?”. I go, “No”. He frowns, “no wife?”, followed by an unnecessarily sad, pouty face. “Parents?” He asked if my parents were alive, here for Hajj, or back in America. I’m still staring at him, thinking, ok…why does he want to know all this? Then, I catch him looking up behind me, as if there was someone back there. I look back to see who was there. This felt really shady now. He plays it off, “Ahh, parents..here? Where?”, starts pointing to random spots and looking inquisitively at me. I ask him in English, “What do you want??” He was confused. I ask him again, and he had no idea how to respond. I pull my hand away, say salaam, turn my back and walk away. It only took me 10 minutes to break him off, real smooth.

At this point, I’m super paranoid. I mean…I’ve seen Taken, I know how kidnappings work. I’m thinking to myself, maybe this guy is a spotter, picking people out that look vulnerable – such as myself, a brown dude walking around in jeans & a bright green “Prince William Lacrosse” t-shirt, clearly standing out from the robed majority, all alone at 2 in the morning. So, I’m thinking, if he’s a spotter, there’s gotta be a tracker too, someone that’s going to follow me around until the time is right to babynap me. So I stop about 50 yards down, next to one of the doors of the masjid. I turn and start scanning the crowd to look for anyone suspicious, anyone noticing me. I stood for almost 10 minutes, but couldn’t find anything, there was just too much of a crowd, I couldn’t even see the guy that talked to me amongst the mass. I kept walking, but still felt paranoid.

So there I was, walking along the outer walls of the Masjid Al-Haram on my 2nd night in Mecca at 2:15am, convinced that someone was following me with ill intentions. I decided I needed to get away from the crowd, to somewhere more secluded to draw out anyone that was behind me and see what was going on. I walk across the courtyard to the As-Safwa towers shopping mall that loom over the Haram. The shops were all closed, but the buildings were still open. I duck inside. I get in, it’s dark, completely empty. I get on the escalator, directly in front of the entrance, and go to the second level. While I’m going up, I turn to watch the glass doors to look for anyone coming in behind me. When I’m almost at the top of the escalator, I see someone run inside. If there was anyone who was following me, this was him.

I get off the escalator and walk to the wall across from it. Leaning against the wall, sipping from my water bottle, I stare down the escalator to see who was coming up. I see a young African boy, maybe 14 or 15 years old, coming upstairs. He sees me standing there, looks surprised and quickly looks away, turns and goes up the next escalator to the third floor. Doesn’t look back at me. This would’ve been the perfect opportunity for me to find another exit and leave. Too bad I didn’t do that. I went after him. I rode the escalator up to see where he went. I got to the next floor and found him standing in the corner, talking to a group of Saudi police officers that were posted in the mall. I was assuming he was playing off going upstairs by looking like he was trying to talk to them. I stood across the lobby, watching. After a minute or so, the police start looking at me suspiciously and I realize how shady I must look now – posted up on the wall, carefully watching all of them. So I just turn to leave and I see the kid go up another escalator to the top floor. I head back out, through the same front entrance I came in from.

I would say that I still didn’t feel completely settled. Paranoia lingers and brings such unrest to the heart. It was close to 3:30 am now, and I didn’t want to risk leading anyone else that was potentially still watching me back to my hotel room. So, I went back into the masjid. SubhanAllah, I was able to find a spot on the ground floor, 30-40 yards from the Ka’aba. Tawaf was still going strong. I prayed some tahajjud, and made du’a, to feel at ease if I really was clear and safe now. After I finished, I felt a complete calm overcome me. Alhamdulillah. I stayed in that spot, until Fajr, at 5am. I prayed with the Ka’aba directly in front of me, Alhamdulillah. Thank you Rabb, for protecting me & not testing me with more than I can bear.

I left, intending to go back to my hotel to rest. Instead, I went exploring again. I was just captivated by the crowd. At 5:30am there were hundreds of thousands of people pouring out into the streets, in every direction. It’s a spectacular sight. There’s literally a sea of people continuously flowing over every path leading away from the masjid. I’m standing there, looking around, thinking – where is everyone going…?? So I pick a direction, and decide to see for myself. I  just start following the crowd. I ended up heading Southwest, which I thought would lead me towards my hotel. I figured, after I was done exploring I could just turn a corner and be near my room since our hotel was also South of the Haram. Didn’t quite work out that way. I got so mixed up in the streets that I ended up wandering for another hour just trying to figure it all out. I got lost in the real city. I had finally found Mecca. This was what I wanted to see here – real outdoor markets – not air-conditioned shopping malls – massive crowds, street food, the hustle & bustle. Though I was lost, I enjoyed every minute. I was exhausted though. I eventually gave up on trying to route myself to my hotel from where I had ended up and decided to head back to the Masjid, in the center of the city, and to go back to my hotel from there.

——————–

I’m so drained. This tour showed all the places we will be going for Hajj – looks pretty serious. I’m hoping I can actually complete it iA.

I’m back in the hotel now, it’s 1:15pm. I’m going to try to finally get a little sleep. I can’t even concentrate enough to write more. Hopefully, I don’t forget what happened, so I can write everything in detail & not oversleep ‘Asr! Ok, yalla Hajji!

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